my wife doesn't touch me sexually anymore
Seeing a therapist or speaking with her doctor about her mental health is a step in the right direction to help you recognize the woman you fell in love with. This is really excellent advice. Flirting in public! That's part of it, but in long-term relationships, sex is also the fastest route for a man to feel close and connected to his wife. My grandma used to tell me, You cant fix broken people. If you must you could think castration out of love. The vast majority are trained to be misandrists and far too many are grotesquely unethical. Related Reading: 10 Things To Do When You Are Drifting Apart In Your Relationship. Weekly turned into Monthly then every 3 or 4 months question about sex. 25 Romantic Things To Say To Your Husband, 12 Things To Do When Husband Is Not Affectionate Or Romantic, 7 Ways To Get The Romance Back After Having A Baby, 10 Best-Selling Relationship Books Couples Can Read Together, How To Make Up For Forgetting Your Anniversary 8 Ways To Do It. Thrown into menopause way too young. */ Especially because . I have given up trying since the rejections and sometimes total indifference is devastating. Its easy to see why such discord will eventually manifest itself in the bedroom. "Having small children is a frequent and legitimate excuse for not having sex.". If both parties dont want to change things (and only one does) then unfortunately the situation is probably doomed. He already said she feels bad for him so she is aware of the problem. Frankly, Im ready for a change of scene because this is like living with someone who it seems might be happier living off by himself. Wish I could off you more of a solution but I think things either go on the way they are or there has to be come conclusion. The experts have very little to offer. If he would quit his demands, realize Im not who I was, be cheerful and easy, love life and just lighten up, Id make sure he is sexually satisfied WAY MORE OFTEN. For a short time shed schedule sex once a week whether or not she felt like itbut then menopause hit and sex dwindled again, diminishing to once or twice a year until we stopped having sex altogether. Of course mine wont go to a therapist no matter what so apparently the problem will persist. I have been married since 1983. Sounds like case of no money no honey. The marriage is fine except for the sex. Oh my goodness you sound so defeated. Kelly Gonsalves is a multi-certified sex educator and relationship coach helping people figure out how to create dating and sex lives that actually feel good more open, more optimistic, and more pleasurable. Should they chew the food and pretend it tastes wonderful? Period!!! Discussing the problem is a problem in itself because she simply get very irritated and by it and thats the end of that! Lifes too damn short for no pleasure. Why would anyone want to have sex with your pessimistic, crotchety, excuse-ridden ass? If I push thru to be happy and have energy, he expects me to be like I was 20 years ago. Sometimes, the answer to, My wife rejects me all the time and I dont know why, can be the simple fact that youre not taking care of yourself anymore. Shes not. I though it was my age, now I am 65 look OK, but not yong any more. Dont you love anything? We dated for 30 years and finally got married. Im 59, wife 63 and the big M has hit her like you have said it did you. Its important to understand the difference between spontaneous desire and responsive desire. Too bad; I truly live him but I dont need the stress. Some women do not compartmentalize their emotions the way some men do, and thus may be more easily preoccupied during sex. Home Articles Marriage Sex 4 Things to Do When Your Wife Wont Touch You. But, and hopefully it is, if you still connect at that level in any way, please do so. I have no issues with my performance and dont need ED meds. First woman with the same situation!! **The husband has NO right to sex, or anything else. All this can cause a person to go into anger and hibernate. I think it was a relief for him because he was not much into sex. I honestly dont know what happens to men as they age. Weve been married for 27 years and have 3 adult children. Honey I can assure you 100% hes not doing without sex hes at the prime age to have sex I couldnt tell you why he didnt wanna have sex with you but Im going through the same thing with my wife. I dont look my age at all! Its a disturbing trap that you must avoid. Though she died quickly sex was never discussed and I can assure you my marriage was a bed of rock. Life is definitely funny. Like Nike says, just do it. She has to try, and she should want to try for your sake if not hers. You cant really blame her, can you? Im only 63 and Ive pretty much just given up. We have talked and talked with and without therapist, but its just talk. Then, let the pouting begin. Therapy will help you identify the issues underlying the lack of sex, teach you how to communicate more effectively, give you strategies for regaining your intimacy if shes willing, and tools for coping if shes not, and offer you the boost you need to work on your relationship. I feel like its just my life now. I really just want to be wanted the way I want her, sexually or not, to just be valued as a committed, loving husband. Someone on the side. Ed if your still out there I have the same view as you do on the phone and web. You bet. Every month in Sex at Our Age, award-winning senior sexpert Joan Price answers your questions about everything from loss of desire to solo sex and partner issues. Peace. Prior to that, for seven years, we would occasionally engage in oral, which was unsatisfying since it was one sided and felt mechanical. Even to the point that when she gets sexually turned on it still causes her pain. My 76 year old husband has not. She would never agree to an open relationship and I shouldnt be unhappy. Resentment in the marriage eventually leads to conflict and arguments. Lack of interest does not equate to lack of love. No human being should dominate another person. Limited-Time Deal on Marriage Course. If you have a hunch your wife is dealing with body image issues, gently bring it up with her, and see if there are ways you can support herwithout making it seem like you're critiquing her body or suggesting she needs to change the way she looks. Talk about a double standard! We dont have children, and we have tried everything.therapy, books, scheduling sex, talking, crying, toys, porn. Really connect. If there is resentments in the home then it will not happen. Marriage is a dream or a fantasy. Its been a lonely and humiliating experience. Better have the most compatibly with someone ans have a happy fulfilling relationship. Ive lived through a sexless marriage myself. Youre the only one here who gets the dynamic. Sometimes losing interest in sex with your spouse is a symptom of losing interest in the relationship overall. Yes, totally wrong. We both have health issues This causes them to shy away from physical intimacy. All rights reserved. All through this past Covid year, only one time did she come forward an say I need a hug. There are many causes, physical and emotional, why your wife wont have sex with you anymore. When a woman looses her ovaries and/or had a hysterectomy the sex drive goes. A lot of my friends say their husbands are like that, too. I wish I would catch my wife cheating or even semi cheating. My husband and I have been married 6 years. If you are not. It wont fix the sexless marriage. You have (understandable) guilt and shame about sex, undoubtedly influenced by your current predicament and the old trauma of feeling rejected during your first long-term partnership. I am now trying to get into health club manament and the barriers for that seem less difficult. But we are kidding ourselves if we somehow justify a womans position requiring fidelity in a sexless marriage. I mean the guy has a woman more than willing to get playful and see what happens and he uses porn? I am aware of the risks, and am more than willing to live with them, rather than go back to how I was before. Laura. It may also help to learn about different forms of desire discrepancy. But at the same time love is kind and will not guilt trip. Hmmm. I think it is true that having sex with your partner is part and parcel of the love you feel for each other otherwise it just seems to fade. Feeling like my wife never initiates intimacy is incredibly frustrating. If your wife is struggling with any mental health issues, she may be less interested in sex at the moment. And when that happens, what used to turn you on about your wife wont turn you on anymore. Hasnt been for decades. It is more than frustrating it is emotionally and physically painful. She received her journalism degree from Northwestern University, and her writings on sex, relationships, identity, and wellness have appeared at The Cut, Vice, Teen Vogue, Cosmopolitan, and elsewhere. I have a similar problem but my situation is somewhat different as I am not on a lot of meds, and I am not unhappy with my life as an individual, but with my husband well, yes I kind of am unhappy with that aspect of my life. What to do about it: If you've talked about all the other reasons on this list and mutually feel great about your relationship (talk to her about thisdon't assume! I can live with that, but I can not live with never being touched or made love to ever again. Your wife may not know how to put up her mom hat for the day and refocus on herself, which includes enjoying every aspect of her marriage. messages where she was being flirtatious to a local musician . Thomas, I agree! Youre saying I love her, etc etc and she couldnt care less? She actually told me that my friend who went through a similar situation was in need of therapy because his wife caught him watching porn. But. But dont you have a affair, to deal with that sex drive that Im ignoring. I have suffered from severe sexual dysfunctions all my life, since I started having sex as a teen. Our world is obsessed with sex and without understanding the unity of compassion, respect, close bonds after many years of being together. Blood flow to the clitoris and vagina decreases, and the clitoris shrinks. He shows no interest or emotional desire to engage in sex or affection. But it nearly tore us apart. The last time we tried, she complained of the pain even with lubrication. I worked my butt of the keep a sexless marriage away. Or if your wife does have a known medical issue, talk to each other about how your sex life might be being affected and ways you can work together to keep your sex life healthy. That means you could wait forever for your wife to just want sex. I finally became frustrated with being turned down and just waited for her to initiate sex. She told me after having foreplay she thinks her vagina is dead because nothing arouses her. I am 60 and my wife has zero interest in sex, was never real sexual, but after menopause, it is zero. And one factor is being a caregiver. As far as foreplay goes, either I dont know how to do it or she doesnt like to be touched unless she is in the mood. Tried all the hormones, the therapy, the talks, and yes, even the threats of stepping out if things dont improve. Dont you dare accuse all men of being selfish and unhelpful. Been in sexless marriage for 45 years! Nothing is out of bounds! :(, Wow Chris D!! I desire foreplay and intimacy, not just intercourse. It was not measurable in his blood. Bring back date night (without the pressure to have sex), or simply spend more time talking to each other about your inner worlds: your feelings, your fears, your frustrations, your hopes and dreams. That leads to I dont like you. This can lead to her becoming physically and emotionally distant in the marriage. Not once does he try to get her off, he just rolls over and goes to sleep. Menopause can affect a woman's sexual functioning, supportive of a partner struggling with mental health, it's OK to not want sex with your partner, https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25855662/, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5994393/. Your children can/will respect only what they see and experience. I am not allowed in the shower/bathroom when she is showering or changing. Im 15 years younger than my husband. We havent had sex in months. Brother, your story sounds exactly like mine. But his belly sticks out a lot and makes it extremely difficult to get in because of 3 things. I cook and currently renovating the home again only to hear Thats great, Now what about the bedroom?. Ive been accepting of her feelings and expectations. Is this the case with your guy or does he nave no urges at all? our sense of what is expected . He's a great dad, and a considerate husband. What played in husband mind is that the wife do not care, do not want to have relationship, intimacy etc. But we didnt know what we had. Women don't always want to necessarily take care of their husbands, but when they love you, they do. I said I am a human male and I have basic needs. You can help by mediating such issues or chalking a way out of the problem together, to restore her peace of mind and bring back the passion in your bedroom. She wants no part of it. Be true to yourself, and your children. Does your wife feel seen and heard in the relationship, or is she never in the mood because she usually feels overlooked? As if I was only there as a sperm donor. However, unless you know why your wife is avoiding sex or any forms of physical intimacy, you wont know what you need to work on. Come to find out my wife was getting hers on the side. Shes the mother of our kids! Males are not embarrassed about describing a frigid or non sexual wife, but they will never mention their own lack of desire and often get angry if their partner inquires as to why? My husband spent hundreds of hours on his phone coming up with scenarios to cope with a diagnosis of peyronies that has impacted our ability to have sex, but has never once gone to you tube to figure out how to give me an orgasm! You cannot force desire no matter what you do or if it is the other partner, same thing. It hard to bud out. I am Married 47 years, I am 67 she is 70. Pls look this up to see if this is you. I had to fend for myself, and I could have done that before we were married. As for me, never. How is she even going to want to have a relationship?. I bet if a man did ever6a woman does in one day he would not bitch about sex he would pass out. She wasnt as attractive or as fine a dresser, and my adolescent mind didnt see her as the choice for my good looks. I actually envy those that are single. Reading some of the commentary I can identify with the concerns.I fantasize frequently about past relationships and what might have been but I only become sadder. Lame! The fact that she cant be bothered to take a few minutes in the shower to manually make things right tells you everything you need to know. But dont give up! There were a lot of issues toward the end of our marriage, and we divorced. I cannot believe that is wasnt suggested that the LWs wife work with a functional doctor who can work with plant based bio identical hormones that can probably increase her desire. You talk about your wife not being in the mood. Thats an elusive state when were not driven by our hormones. We started dating in high school and never separated. Yes, its so hurtful and completely discouraging. And ur right it is really screwed up knowing u might not get laid again or when that might be. 8 reasons why your wife never initiates intimacy, 5 things to do if your wife never initiates intimacy, My wife never wants to have sex 8 ways to initiate intimacy, 15 Things A Woman Can Do to Spice Up the Bedroom, How to Have Better Sex in a Marriage: 20 Helpful Tips, 30+ Best Sex Tips for Women That Drive Men Crazy, 30 Hot Sex Games for Couples to Play Tonight, 10 Helpful Tips if Youre Tired of Initiating Intimacy, 5 Benefits of Maintenance Sex for Relationships and Marriage, How Physical Relationship Before Marriage Affects Your Relationship, How Relationship Coaching for Men Can Transform Your Love, 30 Traditional and Modern Anniversary Gifts Year by Year, Relationship Bullying: Meaning, Signs and What to Do, 100 Romantic and Funny Questions to Ask Your Husband, Top 100 Wedding Registry Ideas That Can Make You Happy, 100+ Inspirational Womens Day Messages for Your Wife, 50 Fun Things For Couples To Do At Home When Bored, 100 Best International Womens Day Quotes for Your Lady, The Importance Of Maintaining Healthy Family Relationships, Sexless Marriage: Reasons, Effects & Tips To Deal With It, What To Do When You Feel No Emotional Connection With Your Husband, 25 Common Marriage Problems Faced by Couples & Their Solutions, 50+ Best Funny Marriage Advice: Finding Humor in Commitment, 35 Relationship Goals for Couples & Tips to Achieve Them, Feeling No Emotional Connection With Your Husband, How to Get Back Together After Separation, 6 Ways to Tell if Someone is Lying About Cheating, 5 Signs That You Are Living in a Toxic Marriage, 7 Important Tips to Build Trust in a Relationship, 10 Effective Communication Skills for Healthy Marriages, 20 Signs of a Married Man in Love With Another Woman. Better than NO sex of any sort for 10+ years, and being rediculed for masturbating. For everything there is a season. , such as being secretive, avoiding you, or hitting the gym. * THE SECTION BELOW TO INSERT DYNAMIC VALUES FROM YOUR If theres resentment in the marriage, its bound to manifest itself in a sexless marriage. Since husbands are usually thought to be the problem regardless of whether the wife or the husband doesnt want sex, I should say that I do my fair share (50%+) of house chores, am emotionally supportive of her, and a nice guy, but that is irrelevant. You should consider a strap on dildo, the size and width are your choice. Youre doing them harm when refusing. Im not really sure if you can put any one word to it. Food shape. Plus, a lack of communication might have created this distance. Were currently stuck at #3, but I have a feeling #1 is gaining ground and will ultimately prevail. I miss the simple things. To see my wife go direct to the Phone on the first morning home and second morning home was very upsetting. Feel like I wasted my life!!! Maybe it will make a difference, good luck. The precursor for any affair is emotional intimacy, says Gopa. A year or two is nothing. Thank you for indiviualizing yozr response. Sorry long diatribe. EXACTLY!!! I understand that some people accept this type of relationship and just crave a good friend and companion for the rest of their life. Also add to the equation what is another possibility here: sexual coercion. I am NEVER ENOUGH so why even bother? . And LATINA. If your wife feels less overburdened with household responsibilitiesand sees you making an active effort to take on your share of the loadyou might find she has more time, energy, and interest in sex. I finally asked him he said I was crab and mad all the time, I have a lot of pain and take a lot of meds sometime, and yes I am very unhappy with my life, but I try to hid it. I feel I am too old to move on by myself, most everything in our relationship is good, but sex is very bad. What to do about it: Learning to love your own body is a personal journey, so this isn't really something you can fix for her just by giving her compliments (though that can certainly help!). I will probably need to work into my 70s or as long as I am able. Once youre accustomed to porn, youve trained your brain to need it. Dont men throb? He wears it and with a little imagination it can work just like the real thing. I am 67 and my wife is 62. I dont masturbate much because I would prefer to be with her. What to do about it: Make sure your wife has some time to herself to relax and feel restored. This is the best I have read. Research published by the National Marriage Project found that couples who make time for date night experience benefits, such as increased sexual satisfaction, improved communication skills, and injecting excitement and passion back into their relationship. There has never been either emotional OR physical closeness beginning soon after the marriage. Therefore, building and maintaining an emotional rapport is extremely essential not just for a robust sex life but also for the overall health of the relationship. I asked her how long will this take for you to get over this panic stuff. The sooner you understand what it is youre going through, the quicker youll be able to address it. I absolutely adore my wife/partner I love her dearly and would do anything for her. While its good to get to the root of the problem so you can resume a healthy, happy relationship, checking in with yourself is also good. Sucks to be me, right! Maddening! Monica..give her satisfaction .. that is exactly what I would love to do for my wife of 30 years. I started seeing sex workers. (For the record, I would cook, but Im terrible at it). If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married. Couples counseling can help the two of you get back on track in your marriage and the bedroom. And really dont know what to do. Id go get some attention somewhere if I could. When you first met her you were in an OTHER zone. Drugs and orgasm. Stay with it, work on it with her. I just dont understand. I too have never cheated. Doing some bootie grabbing or not being a standing up participant?!? However if these women get divorced they have a sexual oasis spring up again between their legs because they need to find a new nest. !, so we better act tough, ya know! Seriously? Recently, he has been distant unloving and disrespectful towards me. Sound off: What are some other practical things you can do as a husband to increase intimacy? I have difficulty ejaculating and often, cannot get erections with her. Since I dont know your wife and I dont know anything about your conversational style or hers, I cant give you the magic words for getting the conversation started. I want that back in my life as well! The nipple is not an on and off switch. There is a limit to everything and this crosses that line. He just didnt want me and wanted to be left alone, in his world. Your wife has become conscious of her body, 8. When a wife who has to cook, clean, take care of the kids, do the laundry, pick the kids up from school and take a couple of classes she is too tired to perform another task after all that she has done in one day.
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